Giving feedback- part 2

Preparing the feedback (continued from last week)

Next, start to phrase the subject of the feedback, the thing you are not satisfied with, the thing that bothers you and you want to change. The subject should be very specific, well defined and down to the point. It should describe the behaviors or opinions you wish the other party to change or improve. Write down and explain how it makes you feel, think and act towards the other person and the way it will affect you if it changes.

Setting up the feedback meeting

Speak directly with the other person and tell them that you would like to set up a feedback meeting. It is important that the other person understands that this is a feedback session – you wouldn’t want them to be surprised during the feedback session. Don’t get into details. If the other person insists say that you are not ready yet to discuss and prefer to wait for the meeting. Schedule the meeting in a quiet, private area where both of you can talk face to face without distraction.

The feedback session
Thank the other person for coming to the meeting and then explain that you’ve prepared for the meeting. Start with going through the positive feedback, at the end of each point, ask the other person if they understand and agree to it. Listen carefully and write down the important parts of what they said. After this is finished, start with the negative part of the feedback session. After going through the explanation and the examples stop and ask the other person if they understood and what do they think and feel towards what you just said. Listen carefully and ask questions. A very important question is how you (the one giving the feedback) can help the other person fill in the gap described in the feedback. In this part of the discussion, you are as responsible as the other side for finding a solution and closing the gap. It is of utmost importance that you conduct yourself with responsibility and open mindedness without accusing the other person. You should try to reach an understanding about actions you should both take in order to close the gap introduced in your feedback.
Summarize the discussion and agree to meet again for a follow up, after a timeframe you both agree upon.
Thank the other person again for coming to the meeting.

Post feedback session
Send the other person the summary of the things you agreed upon. Track your and their behaviors according to what you agreed. In due time, schedule the follow up session. During the follow up session, discuss what happened since your last meeting. Try to find out if any actions and decisions should be revised and decide whether you should meet again.

One thing we keep reminding ourselves is that the process of giving feedback to someone is a gift, it gives the other party an opportunity to learn something about themselves, something that they are usually not aware of. Done properly it will increase the level of confidence between us and the other person.