How to tell your trigger has kicked in, before it starts running you

I’m going to say something that might be uncomfortable to hear.

But if you stay with me until the end, you’ll understand why this is pure managerial gold.

Most people think a trigger means anger, hurt feelings, being offended.

But honestly?

Your trigger shows up long before you notice it.

It starts in your body language, your tone, your eyes, your breathing—

before your thought even fully forms.

And then this thing happens:

It’s not what you’re expressing.

It’s what you’re trying to hide.

And that’s the part the room picks up first.

That’s why you say, “I’m calm,”

and the team hears, “I’m about to blow.”

That’s why you smile politely,

and the feeling in the room is, “Something’s boiling underneath.”

And that’s why you’re trying to be professional, measured, statesmanlike

while your pulse is screaming,

“Don’t tell me how to do my job.”

I remember a conversation with a senior executive who told me:

“I’m calm. Everything’s fine. I’m just stating a fact…”

And her tone said everything except “calm.”

It was like watching a whistling kettle say:

“I’m not boiling it’s just steam. Relax.”

So how do you catch a trigger in real time?

1) Pay attention to your body—it reacts before you do

Shoulders tighten.

Breathing gets shallow.

Eyes narrow by a millimeter.

Hands move just a little too fast.

The body doesn’t know how to lie.

2) Notice the “acceleration moment”

Right before you speak,

there’s that split second when your mind starts racing ahead.

That’s the second to catch.

It’s the difference between a manager who reacts

and a leader who leads.

3) Listen to the voice in your head

“How dare he?”

“I won’t rest until…”

“Not this again…”

These aren’t thoughts.

They’re sirens.

Why does this matter so much?

Because managers don’t fail because of mistakes.

They fail because of automatic reactions.

The trigger itself doesn’t wreck you.

The unnoticed trigger does.

And the moment you learn to catch that second before

you’re not just seen as calmer, clearer, more confident, more influential.

You become the person

the room trusts.

Without you having to say a word.